The Type Of Love We Should Avoid. And How To Overcome.

Still remember the day where you found someone that you think might be the one for you, then you started to imagine and think about him/her. You started to imagine how you going to spend your time with that person and in the same time you also started to imagine your own ideal of him/her out of your own mind. Then one day you found out that he/she was not the one you have been expected or manifested for. And everything started to fall apart. You get disappointed, sad, hurts or whatever is it, finally the relationship end.

I think most of us might have been through this kind of situation even if you have not, it will be useful for you to continue reading. The reason behind why relationship fail is because people fall in love for the wrong reason. People fall in love because they expect something out from that person. That is why, even before the relationship have yet to start, they have already imagined and expect how would that partner be. When expectation was meet that is what we call surprise, that is what makes it exciting. People want surprise!

You might expect to get most of his/her time, attention, affection or even money. But whenever those expectation are not fulfilled, you think as you have chosen the wrong one and the feeling fades away. Then you choose to end the relationship. The problem here is that most people were too focus on their self-need and neglected the other person needs. They always think about what they need/want and forget to ask what their partner would need and what would they want out of this relationship. Human is a species who excel in taking care of their self needs but it can’t work in a relationship.

Let’s make things a little clearer by understanding the fish love.

So what is fish love? Fish love is a kind of love when someone kill a fish and cooked the fish to feed themselves and said “I love fish”. Wasn’t this a hypocritical statement where you kill the fish and justify yourself by saying you love the fish? This kind of love is purely self-love or we can call it as selfish love, you love it because the fish taste good for you and so you kill the fish and eat it up. If you love the fish wasn’t suppose you let it swim freely in the water and let no control? If you really meant to love the fish you should have release it back to the water at let it go.

People with selfish love, do you think they give a damn about the fish? The answer is No, they don’t. Why? Because most people are not aware of what they are doing is harmful or even damaging the relationship. Therefore, I am writing this to bring the awareness to you.

When people love someone because they have good physical appearance then they are trying to say that “I love you because you are nice to look at, therefore I feels good”, they ask you out for a date just to have fun or fulfil their own instant gratification or even saying things that they don’t really mean. Today they might say “I love you” and the next day it might just fade away. Why? Because when they say “I love you” it is actually “I love me”, when the other partner can no longer provide all those “feels good” moment then everything started to collapse and come to an end very quickly.

Of course there is nothing wrong with setting expectation on your partner, it is healthy to have expectation because that is how a relationship will grow by setting target on what should be accomplish. But the problem is that your partner might not even know what you are expecting  of him/her therefore they can’t fulfil your expectation even if they try to. And also you don’t know what your partner expect from you, therefore he/she might not feel fulfilled as well. This is where relationship starts to get into trouble and conflict occurs.

In a relationship, it is better for both side to clarify about what are their expectation from each other. Speaking it out and see if both side can fulfil each other’s needs, and tolerate about it. This kind of discussion is significant to make sure the relationship last long. The moment both sides knows what they expected to give and what they expected to take, this will create a mutual understanding between both sides. When mutual understanding is present, a bridge between both of you will be created.

The one thing I want you to take away is that always remember in a relationship the one principle we must hold on is “Give and Take”. Always ask for what you want and also never forget to always ask, what you can give to your partner. This will ensure continuation of growth in both individual by discussing and set the expectation as a target. I hope this will be helpful and insightful for you, share with your partner if you agree. Thank you.